"c'est la séduction"

156; [Wednesday, October 27th ] last night while i was praying, i had asked for help with this 'crush'. i just needed to know what to say and when to say it...but more importantly what to say. i decided that im going to ask him if he wants to come to a show with me sometime soon. there was nothing else i could really think of. i mean, we're not close enough to just 'hang out' and no have any plans. it would be much too wierd...not to mention silent. i picked a concert cause thats where i feel most comfortable. it'll be a last broadcast show, so im sure he'll like it. god this would be so much easier if he at least knew most of the bands i listen to. anyway, the show is the monday after next, november 8th (also the day after taking back sunday concert). im quite nervous to ask him. i know its going to sound random as hell. besides from my nervousness, ive been trying to keep all pesimistic thoughts out of my head. like what if he has to work, or already has other plans. but it felt so good to establish something in how i feel. something to look forward to, instead of fronting that ever-lasting ear to ear grin just from thinking about him. 1 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

there was always warmth | between us [Tuesday, October 26th ] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | emery-- by all accounts ] well gezz. i got my car last night. thank god. its not too hip but its my favorite. <33 mandi and i are going out to dinner with katie and some of her friends tonight. im sure that'll be lots of fun. mongolian bbq, here we come! 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

just between me and you....' i felt the rapture in your arms ' [Sunday, October 24th ] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | bear.vs.shark = michigan ] i had one of those dreams last night. the ones that make you want to cry your eyes out because something so good happened, and you wish it was real. i woke up from my dream and sat up in my bed. i can only remember little bits and pieces of it now but i had written a note or letter or something to nick, teling him that i had a little crush on him and that we should hang out sometime. then later on in the dream he had came over to me and said that he would love to talk me out to dinner that night. i cant remember how i felt in the dream after that part but i do remember that i woke up and tried for the life of me to remember what i had said to him in that letter, so i could actually write him one or something. hahah. i dont know. i really think i had that dream to show myself how easy it is to just show somebody your feelings for them. i know i have been worrying about ths for a while, ever since this crush started i guess, but waking up and being brought back to reality really hurts when you had something you wanted so bad two seconds ago. so maybe i should just tell him how i feel and maybe things wont be as bad as i expect... 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

quote from jimmy 'i feel like cotton candy...' [Saturday, October 23rd ] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | the spill canvas** under the covers ] yesterday was one of the most beautiful days. the tree in the front of my house was unlike fronted with colors id never seen on leaves before. i spent a few hours out there with my lenses and filters and came up with some really good pictures. ( to die would be an awfully big adventure  ) so last nights plans got kinda messed up. andy, reeve, marty and mandi came and picked me up and we drove down to the fag and met up with ellie, jimmy, pat, peter, mike, dean, and zoe. another car full of people came later on but nobody worth mentioning was in there. basically, everybody drank beer, smoked opium and listened to music. mandi and i were the only two people to pass up anything. we both agreed that it felt so good to just say no and still have just as much fun. the best part about saying no was driving everybody around. i made andy sit passenger cause he was so not okay to drive and i wouldnt have stayed in that car if he hadnt let me drive. we went to mcdonalds, then to norms, the liquor store to buy norm a forty and then dropped marty off, then reeve. thenwe stalled. i was kinda scared because i had been driving and at first i thought i had just accidentally shifted into neutral. so im skipping over all the details but basically, it took an hour to get situated. when i came home i told my mom the story and that mandi was spending the nignt. she wasnt upset at all. but i had to run out to andys car and drop something off. mandi and i ended up coming in about an hour later and mom had been up. i knew it. i said the rosary last night too. well, i admit, i fell asleep twice because i was under the covers and all tucked in, but thankfully i had woken up and fnished it. im going to start saying it every night. 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

__i wish that i could sleep [Friday, October 22nd ] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | alexisonfire (get fighted) ] im shaking very badly. not just in my hands but in my legs too. whats going on? its friday, thankfully. kev and i decided we didnt want to go back to school while we were out for lunch today. so we dropped danielle back off at school and went to my house then to southland. boy did i INVADE southland today. i cheated them out of a bunch of returned clothes and whatnot. so i ended up with forty dollars store credit for hot topic. i just ahve to wait for their next shipment to come in so i can grab my poison the well and alexisonfire shirts. and ive got fifty dollars from american eagle by returning 'jeans i just bought last week that i havent worn' but were really 'jeans i bought over the summer that i've worn ever since then'. silly people. they dont notice. plans for tonight look kinda shaky. im pretty sure we're going to see the grudge. with whom, im not too sure just yet. it looks like it'll be me, andy, craig, danielle, kevin, possibly alix, possibly mandi. who knows i want to breathe life into the dead sea..... 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

\\\ four ways to scream your name /// [Tuesday, October 19th ] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | straylight run :: the tension and the terror ] yes, indeed. underoath rocked the house...for thirty minutes. they rocked the house for six songs. we left before coheed came on so i ended up getting home pretty early. i found a shirt in the center of the pit. it smells very strongly of boy.... and its just my size <33 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

this is a violation [Tuesday, October 19th ] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | radiohead :: idioteque ] yea. there was no school for me today, i wasnt feeling too good. yesterday marci, mandi and i drove out to ferndale to hit up some underoath tickets at record time. it was a fun drive. i guess it'll only be us three girls tonight at the show. alix said he might go with justin and derek because he wants to see me but i dont really care either way. wednesday is the armor for sleep show. steph already has her ticket, im on the guest list, mandi's planning on paying at the door, marci might go if she 'has nothing better to do', and alix will be there too. then on thursday, the beautiful mistake show. its out in fraser, wherever the hell that is. i've got no clue, and i'll end up getting lost. but i do have mapquest directions. so like i said, i'll probably get lost. lets wrap this up right quick saturday: between the burried and me, converge sunday: straylight run, say anything tuesday: hawthorne heights friday: last broadcast, cool hand luke, sleeping at last 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

_ + like biting on these bitter tasting pills ;; [Wednesday, October 6th ] [ mood | geeky ] [ music | dead poetic:: glass in the trees ] today was...school. what more can i say? i dropped steph off then dropped kev off. i wanted to come home for a little bit and check my mail. kev wants to go to the mall later on. i kinda need to get money for the underoath and hawthorne heights concerts coming up, while armor for sleep is already taken care of; im on the guest list. <33 so last night was the last broadcast show. it went really well. days away was suprisingly very impressive, to quote alix and myself. i think im going to donate some money to the matthew fundraiser. only for the tears that roll down my cheeks during that song. 0 // LET'S SET OUR HEARTS AT SELF-DESTRUCT

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